Weirdest. Night. Ever.

I've had a lot of people tell me they miss my blog...the stories and what not...so I figured I'd post this.
This isn't anything new...as a matter of fact, this is copied and pasted word for word from a post I made in a Facebook group the night it happened. I know I've told this story to quite a few people, but I still get a laugh every time I do, so I figured I'd share it with everyone.

June 16, 2012 6:05AM

This is BY FAR the weirdest night I've had working at this hotel....this beats the loincloth/drag queen by 683453411357 times....

There was a guy that decided we were meant to find each other and stood down here talking to me for almost 3 hours...he gave me a jar of homemade dill pickles and McDonald's cookies....

THEN (this is 5am by now) I get a phone call from a guy that after asking if we have rooms and the rates, asks me if I have a problem with the fact that he is a practicing nudist...

*THEN* a drunk/crazy/strung out guy wearing no shirt and bleeding comes in, being all drunk/crazy/strung out...enough for me to call the cops on him...asking for his friend (that doesn't exist) and saying that he's staying in room 127 or maybe 124 (and neither of those exist either) .....

So the cops get here and find him passed out in a ditch....get him up and they come in to talk to me....as the officer is walking in the door, I hear a "cockadoodledooooooo" come from outside....dude is acting like a rooster???

Oh nay nay...there is legit a FUCKING ROOSTER in the parking lot.....in a cage in the back of a truck...with about 10 chickens, a duck, 15-ish bunnies and a GOAT.

I've had 7 people call me so far asking about this stupid damn rooster...the guests said they were going to be gone by 5:45 (this thing started cockadoodling at 5:30) and here it is 6:15 and it is STILL going at it....

FUCKING ROOSTER.

I can't get over that part. I just can't handle all of this...my brain can not process it...I just......idk what to do, other than tell everyone I can this story...

F'real guys....a rooster. I still can't get over that. I took a video, I'm not sure if I still have it or not though. 

To go a bit more into detail, the drunk/crazy/strung out guy kept going back and forth...I saw him walking through the lobby when the "soulmate" guy was leaving...I assumed he was a guest. Then I saw him again when I was walking out of the store room getting coffee, trying to get in the side door. Again, I assumed he was a guest and just left his key in the room when he went out to smoke or something..happens all the time. After that is when he came in and started talking to me. Then it got creepy. 

Like the soulmate guy giving me pickles wasn't creepy enough. Those were pretty good pickles though. 

This butter's melted!!!

This post is just for you, Mr. Blue.

Because apparently, butter is not supposed to melt when put in a microwave.

'Cause I don't even know this girl....

It's 2:44 am....
This *lovely* couple just checks in...
Paid cash.
Well, with cash payments, I'm required to take a deposit...
So he's scrounging in his pockets, a $5 here, $10 there..getting together all the cash to pay for the room..
He gives me all the money, I give him his key..they go to the room..
He comes back in the front door a few minutes later and says, "I can get my deposit back in the morning right? Cause I don't even know this girl, and I kinda need that money. I know that sounds kind of creepy, but I really don't want her to take me home...I just don't want her knowing where I live."
All I can do is laugh...lol

Hotel Virginity

Hi kids!

This weekend has been soooo boring...it was homecoming weekend here, and every year the high school also has their 50th reunion, so the city is overrun with people that graduated high school in 1962...it was lovely. There was also a wedding party here this weekend, so aside from the bride going a little crazy Saturday morning (which is to be expected) and a little old guy asking EVERYONE that walked in the lobby during breakfast if they wanted him to make a waffle, it was fairly quiet.
Oh, there was a guy that was passed out on the stairs when I came in Friday night. Face down, snoring away..he had been talking to his girlfriend and fell asleep..lol

So, I decided that since there wasn't much going on this weekend (however there still is tonight to go yet, so I may find something later) I thought I would pull a story out of my big bag o tricks and share it with you.
Now, I'm sure you see the title of this and get all interested in a dirty way. Stop. This is about my first day on the job. Why I kept it after this, I'll never know. I'm glad I did, or I wouldn't be able to bring you all these lovely stories.
4 1/2 years ago when I started in hotels, there were 6 of them in this little town. I started working at the "best" one there was. When I say best, I mean most expensive, all rooms are suites, biggest, cleanest, "best" hotel. I applied one day and was told to show up at 8am the next morning, where I received a crash course on hotels and was left to myself. It was mid May, so the college kids were moved out, and the ones that were still here in town were running all over being jackasses. Because apparently that's the appropriate thing to do when you stay in your college town over the summer...Who'da thunk it?
There were 2 housekeepers there when I started that I remember well. The first was Jennifer. She must have weighed 90 pounds dripping wet. I honestly think my thigh was as big as her waist. She was sooooooo little. The other was Marsha. She was just an all around sweetheart. The hotel had 3 jacuzzi suites..one that was the size of 2 of the regular suites, and therefore it was dubbed the "honeymoon suite". Some kids had rented it out the night before my first day of work and had thrown a party.
I can't remember exactly what it was they said when they opened the door to this room, but it was something to the effect of  "holy mother of god" and "I'm not touching this room" which of course piqued the interest of the rest of the housekeepers and myself. I was the closest, so I grabbed the phone and headed down the hall.
I gagged. Seriously guys, gagged. And it only got worse. The jacuzzi was full of beer. Or piss. We never really did clarify which one it was, however considering the rest of the room, we were leaning more and more towards piss. Beer bottles scattered across the room, most of them with cigarette butts in them (and mind you, this is a 100% non smoking hotel, back before everything was non-smoking). Someone had bled on the bed....a lot. However what was the most disturbing, even more than the jacuzzi, was the fact that there were 14...yes, FOURTEEN...used condoms stuck to the wall....upside down...so the contents had leaked out and were dripping down the wall.
The phone number they gave upon check in was bogus...the credit card used was a prepaid...we were stuck with this filthy room and no way to charge damage fees... The sad thing about this whole situation is it was cleaned and then rented out again that night...to someone that was looking for a "romantic getaway" in the crap town we live in...all that was done was the bedding changed, jacuzzi bleached, and walls bleached...and then normal room cleanup..
I still cringe when I think about it. There have only been 2 things that have come close to topping that on the gross scale, but those are different stories for different times.
On that note, I'll end this!!

While I'm at it...

While I'm at it tonight...

I got a phone call this morning from a gentleman wanting to make a reservation for a room tonight. He asked me the rate and when I told him he says, "Really? That high? On a Sunday night? But you're empty on Sunday night. Are you sure that's your rate? Maybe you should check again."
Well gee, let me check...Oh no, I have a rate special in here just for you...
"Well I was thinking something more like $50."
Sorry sir, a rate like that will cause me to lose my job. And you are now an asshole for expecting me to give you special treatment and get a rate that is ridiculously low for the area.
Boys and girls, when you're looking for a hotel in a small town such as this one, there are a few things to keep in mind...Yes, we may be empty, but we are not going to give you a room for less than half the going rate simply because of that. That means that really, we're paying money for you to stay here. There is a cost to running a hotel, and at this particular one, we need to rent 11 rooms at full price just to break even for a day. Eleven. There are only 39 rooms here. And please believe that there are nights that the 11 doesn't even happen. Tonight there are 12. Most of them are not at a full rate.
ANYWAY...while it is very possible for some of the bigger hotels in bigger areas to go down drastically (I've heard stories of people getting $500 rooms for less than $100) that just doesn't happen here. If you're nice and work with me, I can go down $10. Period.
"Well I know your hotel isn't worth that much."
Okay, I get it. You don't want to pay for a clean, comfortable room. Fine. Go to the hotel that is across town. You'll have mold in your bathroom. OR you can go the hotel that allows you to pay by the hour. Please, feel free to enjoy the bugs that are there. You get what you pay for boys and girls. Yes, there is always a chance that a housekeeper will miss something. They're humans. Not machines. People make mistakes. And please believe that if a person continues to make mistakes, they find themselves looking for another place of employment, but everyone is given a chance.
I keep getting side tracked....too much coffee..
You don't go into a store and start to haggle prices on their products. It's ridiculous to try to haggle prices in a hotel.

Asshole

There is a gentleman that stayed in my hotel last night. Gentleman really isn't the word to define him, but as he is of the male persuasion, that is the word I used. Complete asshole is a better word. He was completely rude to me when he checked in...he walked in the lobby and expected me to give him a room for almost half of our regular rate, and then got pissy with me when I refused. I told him of all our amenities as I tell everyone and he says "So really you pay so much for the room and an extra $25 for a waffle in the morning." It was almost 1am and I was already tired of his bullshit, so I told him if he wanted a cheap room, I would gladly point him in the direction of the sleazy motel down the road that allows guests to pay by the hour. Needless to say, he stayed here.
And he's a royal pain all night long...calls me for every little thing when he can easily solve the problem himself if he just looked for a minute...his TV is broken, no just his battery is loose. His fridge doesn't work, no the switch isn't flipped on...stupid little things like that...finally stops calling me around 4am after changing his wake-up call 3 times.
He comes down for breakfast and has this look on his face. I'm sure you would know the look I'm talking about, we've all seen it. That "I'm better than all of you" look. He stands in the breakfast area and says "What you got to eat in this place?" Like he can't just turn around and look. There are a few other older guests sitting at the tables eating and one of them looks at him but doesn't say anything as I rattle off a list of everything we have for breakfast. He walks over, points to the coffee and says " This is where you keep your coffee?" Um....duh. It says COFFEE on it. "Where's your creamer?" ...In the glass container that says CREAMER on it...
It is when he has his back turned to me that I notice he has bird shit on his shoulder. I consider telling him about it, but I also consider the treatment he has given me for no good reason, so I decide not to.
After about 15 minutes he goes to make a waffle. He walks up to the iron and looks at it and yells across the room "So you're telling me I have to make my own breakfast?" Yes sir, you sure do. "Well how does this thing work?"
And the best thing ever happened.
The little old lady that had looked up earlier chimes in and says "Just read the damn directions. Didn't your mommy teach you how to read? Why is it so hard for people to read the damn directions these days?"
I. Died. Laughing. For real. I had to go back to the back room and continue my laughing. I couldn't help it.
Point of the story is.....don't be an asshole. Or you'll have bird shit on your shoulder and little old ladies scold you for not being able to read.

How Your Hotel Key Cards Work

This post is not really anything special. It's a peeve of mine that I've had for as long as I've worked in the hotel business. I deal with it at least twice a month now, and I consider that a lot since I only work on average 12 days a month.

The problem::

"All my personal information is on my key card"

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I am writing this post to inform you that this is 100% completely and utterly false. As previously stated, I have worked in hotels for 4 years now. That gives me a bit of experience with the situation, wouldn't you think? 

Apparently not. According to the woman that just stormed out of my lobby, I know nothing about what I'm talking about. She's been in her business and travelling for years and has never left her key behind because of that exact fact. I explained to her that it could be possible that some of the HIGH end hotels would put some sort of information on the keys to put a note in that the person needed to be charged for something, IE if a hotel were to use their keys for vending machines or access to certain "exclusive" features the hotel offers, but never the customers actual information. She then told me that I needed to quit lying to her face and I needed to keep my mouth shut unless I know anything and stormed out, throwing her key at me. 

She could have taken the key. I don't care. It would cost a fraction of a penny to replace. What gets me is the simple fact that most people never believe the person that works AT the hotel, but their friend who heard from a friend that they had a friend whose identity was stolen because of a hotel card. 

Still think I'm lying about it? Ok, that's fine. You want facts. Snopes.com has reported that this rumor started back in 2003 when a detective in California overheard a conversation between an investigator and another fraud detective and it was mentioned that it could be possible to put this sort of information on a hotel key card. This detective then went around telling other detectives about the situation, trying to give them a "heads up" and well, I'm sure you are all familiar with the children's game "Telephone". I really think that's what happened. There were emails sent out about it, I don't know the origins. Not good enough? Here's another link from computerworld.com with a 4 page article on the topic. 

Here's how the hotel keys really work. They used to be actual keys, with the number engraved on them. As you can imagine, that became expensive to replace when people lost them. Don't feel bad, it happens. It also posed more of a security risk because if you lose your key with your room number printed on it, whoever finds the key could get into your room. Scary, huh?

So hotels looked for a solution to that problem, and went electronic. They key card has a magnetic strip that can be programmed for a certain room for any number of days and deactivates at a certain time. That time in my hotel is noon. I suppose it could be different for other hotels, but I don't know for sure. The lock on the door is battery powered and encoded with the same code we put on your card. That's how you get into your room. 

The machine with your information on it (the main computer) and the machine that programs the key card are COMPLETELY different machines, about 4 feet apart on the desk, not connected in any way. Unless you count the surge protector they're both plugged in to. 

Hopefully I have made my point. I know there are many places out there that this information can be found, but it seriously annoys me when people don't bother to go looking for it and just believe everything they have heard. It slightly more than pisses me off when you stand in front of me and call me a liar because I tell you something that goes against what you have decided to blindly believe without putting any thought into finding the truth on your own. I suppose all I can do is put the information out there and hope that people find it. 

**While I'm on this "truth finding mission" I decided to add something that is probably even more important that people know is false.. The reverse PIN panic code to be used at an ATM in case you are being forced to pull money out of your account. Putting in your PIN number backwards truly does NOT inform the police of a problem at the ATM. Currently, this type of programming doesn't even exist, however it is a good idea. 

Until next time~~